So, I have seen Batman Versus Superman: Dawn of Justice. It's essentially DC trying to copy Marvel's cinematic universe, though between you and me they're taking the unique strategy of going essentially from Iron Man to Avengers. And it certainly has a decent set up. They're combining aspects of the Dark Knight Returns, The Death Of Superman, Superman: Grounded, The New 52's start of dark side and some god awful fanfiction.
Now, I'm not going to spoil this movie, though trust me, if you want to know, pm me. It's not worth seeing. I mean, there are somethings they do REALLY well...Which, of course are the things you see the least, so unfortunately I just cannot give any justification for why it would benefit someone to see this movie.
And remember, I'm a die hard comic book fan boy. So yes, there will be "So & So would never do that!"
WHAT I LIKED
- Special effects are great, like Avengers level, even if it was mostly lasers and explosions.
- They toned down the whole "Superman is Jesus" stuff from the Man Of Steel.
- The Fact Captain America Civil War was a trailer before the movie, giving hope that "Yes Viriginia, there ARE good comic book movies being made right now."
- Neil Degrasse Tyson has a good cameo-They're having a Frank Miller-ish discussion on TV with folks debating the good-ness of Superman.
- Superman is a really well done, like they got the Big Blue Boy Scout right. Superman, when written right is about a God trying to fit in with Mortals. He's not as strong as he needs to be to save everything and he's desperately trying to do right. So, in the twenty minutes of screen time he gets, Henry Caville shows that he can in fact show the true man of steel.
-There's a great scene in the middle where we see Clark and Johnathan Kent talking, for someone who hated how Pa Kent was done, this scene really showed the heart of Superman, and the sort of conversations that would come up.
- Doomsday is actually suprisingly good. I mean, he's still sort of the "Well, since we can't have Superman punching the crap out of Lex Luther (as much as that would improve the movie.) Let's just throw Doomsday in there." In most interpetations, Doomsday's this big spiky Hulk Wannabe. In this one, they actually make it so he adapts to damage, so it's not "We nuked him and he's still coming," It's "We nuked him and now he breathes fire."
- Wonder Woman is in this Movie, and while she's sort of pointless, She has two great scenes, and a pretty catchy theme song.
-The start of the scene, which has scenes of Kid Bruce Wayne running away from the funerals intercut with images of Joe Chill shooting his parents (Okay, why the heck did his parents even go through Crime Alley? I'm sorry, but maybe that was a bad idea on their part?) and it was really well done until the part where he starts flying on a cloud of Bats. I swear I am not joking.
- There's a nice little shot of in the Bat Cave, there's a Robin suit that has the Words "I played a joke on you" or something like that spray painted on-a nice little nod to the Joker's murder of Jason Todd.
WHAT I DIDN'T LIKE ABOUT THEIR SKULLFUCKING OF BATMAN
Nerd Rage incoming.
If you are a Batman movie, do not see this movie. Like, specifically avoid this movie. The took Batman, put their dicks in his eye sockets and skull fucked the character.
1. The Batsuit just doesn't look good. It's basically the one from Dark Knight Returns but, that one had the excuse of Batman having no neck and the physical build of a Lego. He's basically wearing tight-ass pajamas, with a headless bat stuck on his chest, and he even has the little panda ears....PANDA MAN! I'd actually say that even the George Clooney's suit with Bat Nipples was better.
2. Bruce Wayne is just sort of a broody child, he comes off more as a dude who's just whining at Superman. "Do you bleed? You will!" And you honestly got to feel for Superman that he's got this asshat gunning for him. I mean, Bats for about ninety percent of the movie is essentially just shouting mean things at Superman. It comes off More as All Star Batman and Robin which is NOT good thing.
3. The opening of the film is just sort of badly done. It's there to give Bruce Wayne a reason to hate Superman. And it's enough to say "Hey, a ton of people died in that fight and it's something I don't like." Which makes sense. But nope, from what I could gather, Bruce Wayne hears there's an Alien brawl so, it seems like He got personally airlifted to Metropolis as there was this essentially 9/11 level amount of chaos going on, proceeded to go on a joy ride across Town just so he could be there to hug a little girl and realize that some of his workers were in the building that just collapsed...Even though that dead guy should have probably told everyone to leave the building the moment that he noticed two physical titans were fighting through the air.
4. Batman likes to pass his time by having weirdass dream sequences. There's like five "Oh, it was all just a dream!" Moments in the film. Let me repeat, there is padding in a two and half hour movie. First of all, there's the aforementioned flying on a cloud of bats bit, Then while he's waiting for something to download, he zones out. And then we get his little mad Max style fantasy where he fights against the evil tyranny of SUperman, only to get punched in the head by a random Parademon. (Parademons, are soldiers of Darkseid, the leader of essentially a Hell dimension-think of him as DC's Thanos. Why does this show up? Why does Batman dream of Darkseid? Hell if I know.) What the hell is going on? Maybe DC's going to try to build up to essentially Injustice. And then, he dreams that this weird red guy MAYBE the Flash shows up and feeds him a line about how he's right about SUperman, and then there's this random scene where he is mauled by essentially Man Bat (A giant human bat monster.) who was somehow hiding in his mother's crypt. There are NO indications these are dream sequences. Pure and Simple filler.
5. Batman kills people. I'm not talking like the "I'm not going to save you," or "I'm going to knock you out and leave you tied up in a city full of serial killers." This Batman racks up one helluva a body count. I KNOW that Michael Keaton's Batman killed some people, and I know seventy years ago, Batman was slightly more murderous. But we're talking Shooting folks in the face, running guys over in the Batmobile, minguns, Knifes to the heart. He is actually aiming to kill folks in this movie. The problem with that is Batman's only real claim to moral superiority (Let's face it, he's just as insane as his rogue's gallery) is that he refuses to kill. And taking away that one rule? He's a hypocrite. He's got no moral ground to stand upon in this universe.
6. On top of forgetting about his one rule, The movie firmly removes ALL morality from the character. Batman, simply enough is a dick. He's sadistic, and during his fight with Superman, tortures the hero after dousing him with Kryptonite. He literally throws a grenade into a room full of mooks. He's just despicable and for me, it was impossible to go "Oh, he's a hero." I mean, when I heard that he branded particularly bad criminals I thought that was harsh...But this guy's just a sadistic, malicious dick.
7. The reason why he suddenly becomes a good guy is the dumbest reason ever. Like, it's not "Hey, look! That's Doomsday...We should probably team up." It's...It's...Gah! I don't want to spoil it but it is literally the most contrived Bull you'll ever hear!
8. Bruce Wayne is Batman. And he is about as subtle as a cinderblock with it. How has no one noticed that the guy who speaks in cryptic, implied threats whenever someone asks him about the crazy mass murderer in Gotham ?
9. He's utterly, completely useless. Seriously, all he does is get in the other super hero's way! I mean, Doomsday, Wonderwoman and Superman are going at each other and Batman's just standing there doing jack-all. This is the problem with Batman and Superman, Batman's the calm cunning mind, but when you forget that and go Frank Miller on him, all it does is seem like Batman IS a horrible man and a psycho who needs to get shut down.
10. The Bat Voice...It's not as bad as Christian Bale's but, it sort of sounds half like he got a tracheotomy and half like he's mumbling into a microphone.
WHAT I DIDN'T LIKE ABOUT THE REST OF THE MOVIE
-Can someone kick Jesse Eisenberg out of this film? I know they justify it by saying "Oh! It's fine, he's just Alexander Luthor, not actually Lex Luthor, Lex Luthor was his dad." To which I say I want a DNA test as proof. Jesse Eisenberg is not Lex Luthor, instead he's Jesse Eisenberg playing that one quirky kid in high school who likes to act like he's got something everyone else doesn't but in reality is just an annoying brat. And when he actually shaves his head? He looks like a Rat-man. Not threatening. Not Lex Luthor, not even a good choice.
- The crux of the film is that Superman saves Lois from some terrorists. However, all the terrorists get shot. So, of course everyone assumes that the guy who can fly, is bullet proof and essentially invincible walked in with a gun and just filled everyone full of lead. This plot point only gets dumber.
- This movie is banking HARD on the whole "Is Superman evil?" edge, to the point of foreshadowing Injustice. The debate on wether or not the world can trust Superman. The problem?
1. Superman literally does nothing in this film BUT help people. You can't have an image of him saving a little girl from a burning building and then ask "Is he a good guy?"
2. We've only had ONE movie in this universe. They're trying to do the whole absolute power deal with Superman, but unfortunately, they've failed to fully build up Superman as the symbol of Hope he is. Part of the horror of Superman being a tyrant is that he is a symbol of hope-and honestly? The movies fail to really build that up. It's a rushed job.
- It's just too damn dark. Everyone's an asshole, nothing good happens to any of the characters. Make it dark, make it gritty, but for God's sakes, can you tell one joke? As a result, I was honestly apathetic just from sheer "Oh! Look! We're gritty! See? Marvel isn't gritty like DC is gritty!" It's the same problem that DC's always suffered with.
- So, they tease the Justice League. And guess how they do it? It's essentially Batman watching youtube videos of all of the heroes. It's padding! And literally interrupts the final bad just so they can get some extra heroes in for the sequel!
It's awful. Don't watch this movie, just don't.