Troy: Welcome to Fanfiction Failure where I burn in the fires of Fanboy Hell for your own sick amusement, today we will be looking at the infamous series known a the prayer warriors. A disturbing take on Percy Jackson and the Olympian through the eyes of what is essentialy, The Christian AL-Qaida.
Believer in Christ: Hello Jesus!
Troy: Is....He opening the story with a conversation with Christ?
Jesus: Hello my son.
Believer in Christ: Am I saved by writing this story.
Troy: If that is a question then No. Just....No.
Jesus: Yes my son.
Troy: Might I add that one of the Seven sins is pride? And to me having Jesus give yourself the thumbs up is pretty vain.
Believer in Christ: Good. Now should I go hunt down those Satanists.
Jesus: Yes my son.
Troy: Is Jesus even paying attention? But to be fair I wouldn't either....
Disclaimer: I do not own the Bible, God does. I will not feel sorry for using Percy Jackson as it is evil and should not have a disclaimer.
Troy: Alright, since mr. Dumb*ss here is holding a grudge against Kid's books, here's the diclaimer.
The characters, places, and other things mentioned in this story that are from Percy Jackson and the Olympians belong to Rick Riordan and Hyperion Paperbacks for Children.
The Writer Believer in Christ, is a total idiot.
Being Together The Army
Troy: I'm sure this meant "Bring together the Army" But this is som much funnier.
Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall. -Proverbs 16:18
Troy: Ironically, the first few lines are pretty d*mn haughty, HAVE FUN WITH THE FALL!
I am Jerry and I am a prayer warrior. I am a servent of the lord and will do anything to get rid of evil Gods.
Troy: (Read: This basically means he's a zealous psycho.)
Lately the Satanic leader Percy Jackson has taken over much of the land, along with his Satanic Army and his girlfriend whore. She has sex with other people just to get Satanic money.
Troy: Well, to be fair we've all said that about people who we hate.
That means that I have to get an army together of Christians, so that we can defeat the servents of Satan, and defeat his evil puppets, the false greek gods,
Troy: Yeah, a guy named Kratos kind of beat you to that.
who are in fact a lie created by Satan to poison people`s mind.
Troy: Despite being before Jesus came to earth. Yeah, I find that hard. Can't you just leave other people's religions alone? It's their own choice.
Take heed to thyself that thou be not snared by following them, after that they be destroyed from before thee; and that thou enquire not after their gods, saying, How did these nations serve their gods? even so will I do likewise. Deuteronomy 12:30
Troy: So, are we going to get random Bible Quotes later or are you just getting that out of the way?
"Hello my fellow Christian"
Troy: We gather here today to completely f*ck the word of god into an excuse to kill people!
I told Mary, who is named after Jesus`s Mother. I and her are not dating, if you Satanic scum
Troy: Insulting the Reader! Because all of the dumb*sses who read this want to continue reading about being called Satanic Scum!
think that there is something Satanic going on. We are dating,
Troy: You just said you weren't.
but we are not having Sex until we get married. But because we are 15, it means that it is going to be while before we do such a thing.
Troy: Yeah, Being a Catholic this is true....But do we really need a Tutorial?
"Yes Jerry, how are you. Have you been doing the lord`s biddings?"
Troy: Well, that's certainly an original pick up line.
she asked me. I nodded my head and then she took out the bible and we read the first Chapter of Genesis,
Jerry: Th-The-There W-Wa-Was A Sm-Smal_small Du-Duk-Duck....
which is about the the creation of the world. We talk about how God was so good that he was kind to create a great world
Troy: Then Osama came. Then George Bush Came. Then This Writer came.
as we live in.
Troy: WORST. DATE. EVER.
He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him. -Proverbs 18:13
Then we discuss about how Satan had poisoned the world by inventing false gods such as Zeus and Venus, who were sex gods,
Troy: Zeus wasn't the God Of Sex....He was a rapist but not a god of Sex.
which is against the Ten commandments.
Troy: Which they didn't even know about.
"I need an Army to defeat the evil leader Percy Jackson" I asked her. I wanted an army so that I could defeat this Satanist and his ungodly army. This is America which is a Christian nation,
Troy: No. It's. Not. This is a Nation of Diversity.
Troy: WHAT? I'M LISTENING TO DEATH METAL!
Troy: What's that? I mean, I've heard of Atheists bust what the h*ll is an Athesit?
Troy: They're okay.
Troy: They're fine.
Troy: What's so bad about Any of these?
and any other non-god fearing people, who worshiped false gods, should not be allowed in this God fearing Nation.
Troy: Which doesn't have an official religion.
We must get rid of them, and make them slaves,
Troy: To quote Linkara, "Our Heroes Everyone."
if they agree to being a fellow Christian. Once they truly believe in God and his son, Jesus, then would we release them to bring glory to God and his son. If they still did not believe, we would burn then, just as their fellow Satanist did when they refused to worship our lord Jesus Christ. "I want to bring Glory to God"
Troy: And tarnish his name by becoming a fanatical murderer!
Their bows also shall dash the young men to pieces; and they shall have no pity on the fruit of the womb; their eyes shall not spare children.-Isaiah 13:18
"Then I will show you my Christian friends. You will not find a ungodly one among them.
Troy: Except for all of them, They're all crazy.
There are as clean as you can get them"
Mary: Yes, I shoved them into a washing machine....These are the survivors.
she told me. She had a her hair tied back so that it would not get in her and not look like a Satanic whore.
Troy: Because wearing your hair down makes you like Satan's hookers?
She also made sure that her skirt did not show any of her legs, or else it would be a sin for a man such as myself to look at it.
Troy: She was wearing REALLY long socks.
And that was when I got message that a follower of the Satanic leader Percy Jackson. He was there to force people in believing in false gods that made their followers get naked and perform Satanic killings.
Troy: It's like the sixties all over again!
Also thou shalt not approach unto a woman to uncover her nakedness, as long as she is put apart for her uncleanness. -Leviticus 18:19
But the prophet, which shall presume to speak a word in my name, which I have not commanded him to speak, or that shall speak in the name of other gods, even that prophet shall die. -Deuteronomy 18:20
So I went down stair to face the false prophet. He was a believer in false nature gods, such as Pan, who is Satan in disguise.
Troy: You really need to get out more.
He had big Satanic horns, so that everyone that was Christian could tell that he was a Satanist.
Troy: Give me a minute to mourn my dear friend Subtlety....
"Believe in my god Pan" said the Satyr. "I am Grover and I am servent of Pan and Satan, who are great gods.
Troy: Meh, Ares is better.
They are better then God and Jesus"
Grover: Just throwing it out there!
He that sacrificeth unto any god, save unto the LORD only, he shall be utterly destroyed. -Exodus 22:20
So to defeat this Satanic scum, me, Mary and one of her Christian friends that was there, her name was Ruth, prayed to God and our lord Jesus Christ, to bring down this false prophet.
Troy: Giving him plenty of time to shank us!
And behold, a group of locus came from the heavens and ate Grover alive.
No part of his body, other then his guts and his brains, was left. No even his bones remained.
Troy: Yeah, great Job. Killing someone for his beliefs!
And the LORD said unto Moses, Stretch out thine hand over the land of Egypt for the locusts, that they may come up upon the land of Egypt, and eat every herb of the land, even all that the hail hath left. -Exodus 10:12
So we brought glory to God. We killed a sheep
Troy: Oh God....They killed Shawn the Sheep.
so that we can say thanks to God. Then we went back church and prayed some more. We read the Bible and how Paul convert many people to God.
Troy: They've made the Bible boring....Wow. That takes skill.
Then Mary`s friends came and we made them members of the Order of the Prayer Warriors.
Troy: This really seems like the Catholic equivalent to the Al-Qaida....
Their children also shall be dashed to pieces before their eyes; their houses shall be spoiled, and their wives ravished. -Isaiah 13:16
Believers in Christ: Thank you for read this and I hope you have turn to the glory of God and his eternal son Jesus Christ, the greatest thing to ever happen to this earth. May all that read this be save.
Troy: Except for their Sanity...
Jesus: You done me well son.
Jesus: And by that I mean that you need serious Help.
Believer in Christ: Thank you my lord for giving me live and allow me to write this. Amen.
Troy: I find this to be disgustingly insulting, not just to my religion but to humanity! We live ina world where someone wrote this!