Karl Daveslate: Hello, I'm a big fan of Jesus. After reading the inspirational fanfic The Prayer Warrior: The Evil Gods Part One (you should go and read My mock of it) I decided to write a fanfic just like his. This is going to be the best fanfic ever since it will be about Jesus, the best person ever!
Troy: 1. Pride is a sin. 2, Just because it's about someone you think is cool doesn't mean it's good. 3. Stop writing.
Many people will be inspired by this fanfic that they will all flock to me to be baptized (I am not crazy, okay!).
Jesus Christ: I can see that this fanfic will do a lot of good. Keep it up.
Troy: Having Jesus give your fic the thumbs up? How original.
Thomas Brown: I cannot wait to read this fanfic. Go on, please write it!
Having Thomas brown however, is just stupid.
Karl Daveslate: Okay, I will. Disclaimer; I do not own the bible, God's does. I also don't own Star Wars, but I don't think it needs a disclaimer since its Satanic (George Lucas is the biggest sinner for trying to spread East Religions and Buddhist rubbish.
Troy: WHAT IS WITH YOU GUSY AND NOT PUTTING DISCLAIMERS?!?
Propterea haecdicitDominus ecceego inducamsuper eos mala dequibusexirenon poterunt: et clamabunt adme, licet egonon exaudiam eos. Jeremiah 11:11 (I so love the Latin language).
Troy: Well, we hate it!
Hi, I'm Alistair
Troy: Considering it's your POV I hope it is.
and I am a Prayer Warrior. I converted to Christianity the first year of high-school. Before that I was brought up in an atheist family that believed that evolution was true and that prayer should be banned. But I saw a man fall from a tower and to be saved from the fall by someone praying near to where he was falling.
Troy: He was also saved by the guy who called 911.
This inspired me to become a Christian. Because my family disproved of me converting, I decided to leave home. I started to stay with my best friend Levi, who is also a Christian, and when a group of Christians, called the Prayer Warriors, were calling up Christians to join them, we decided to become members. I am fifteen by the way.
Troy: Well, this is certainly endearing!
We had gone through basic training pretty quickly. I scored high marks in expelling demons from this world and back into hell where they belong. Levi became an expert in the Bible and he could recite the entire Bible from memory, amazing feat to be experience. He knew every character and stuff. He could tell you everything about these characters. He is also the same age as me. And so we waited in the waiting room for a high level Prayer Warriors to come and sign them a mission to complete.
Et fornicata es cum filiis Aegypti vicinis tuis magnarum carnium et multiplicasti fornicationem tuam. Ezekiel 16:26
As were waiting there, a women came in who looked as if she was around the age of twenty-one. In her arms she had a baby boy. Since she was Prayer Warriors and a Christian, this meant that she was married. She went up to us. She must be the high level Prayer Warrior we were waiting for,
Troy: LEVEL UP!
which I was surprised about, since the Prayer Warriors usually don't allow women to get high roles,
but I guessed that this was a special case. She was most likely married to one of the high level Prayer Warriors that were men since it has been unheard of for a single woman to gain such a high level (I am not being sexist okay since I am stating the obvious, women should be put in their places).
Troy: Can you shut up!?! Half of my demographic are girls!
"Hello my fellow soldier," she said to them in a very calm and honest hearted manner. "My name is Mary, wife of Jerry the Great."
Troy: AKA, Jerry the psycho, Jerry the fanatic, the psychotic *ss-hat...
"You are married to the guy that killed all those evil gods a few years ago?" asked Levi excitedly.
Troy: He also killed about a dozen innocent people.
"Yes," she replied.
"And you killed John Lennon?" I asked also (John Lennon was the leader of the Russian Communist Party and Lenin was the lead singer of Beatles, I have got my fact right okay so don't bother questioning it).
Troy: Except for the fact they killed John Lenin.
"Yes, I did that as well," replied Mary in a proudly voice, enough pride to allow her to get into Heaven. Too much pride would have sent her to hell.
Troy: Like you and Thomas?
"But Jesus was on my side all the time. I thank him for that great deed I performed."
Si dormierit vir cum iumento et morte moriatur: pecus quoque occidite et eritis. Leviticus 20:15
"So," I asked in a very curious manner, "what mission will you send us on?"
"My husband sent a Prayer Warrior to another galaxy. We found a portal which could send us to this galaxy.
Troy: It was made by something called "Aperture."
We discovered that they worshiped false gods called the Jedi.
Troy: They don't worship the Jedi! It's the force! AND THE JEDIS ARE THE GOOD GUYS!
The Prayer Warrior was called Bella Stella. She has been missing for a two years. I want you to go a retrieve her, even if only her body remains. This Jedi are dangerous, especially this evil green one that goes by the name of Yoda.
Troy: He looks like a midget kermit the frog with ears.
They have bright sticks that can cut through you if you are not careful. But I am sure a simple prayer will stop this form harming you," she said. "So please do this, Bella Stella was a good friend of mine."
"We will," said Levi.
"I will also go," I said. "I will need a team of good Christian Prayer Warrior to help me though."
"I will make sure that this will be available to you," replied Mary. "Now go forth and conquer! God bless."
Troy: AND ATTACK THE BAD GUYS!
Si quis in me non manserit, mittetur foras sicut palmes et aruit et colligent eos et in ignem mittent, et ardet. John 15:6
And so we went out to ready. I brought along my Authorized King James Version of the holy Bible, since it is the greatest English translation. God got angels to enter the minds of the translators so that they could translate how God wanted it to be translated into.
Troy: You my friend are either and idiot, a troll, or a godless moron.
Levi was bring a 21st Century King James Version of the Bible, even though it is not as good as the Authorized King James Version of the Bible since it wasn't translated by God putting angels into the mind of the translators that were translating since God disapproved of the new translation even though they translated it anyway.
Troy: You're a troll.
A girl came up to me who I had never met before in my entire life.
"Hello Juniper," I greeted her.
Troy: You never met her!
She nodded her head in acceptance. "So, what's up?"
"I'm distressed. Please find my boyfriend. He's called Grover and he is a Satyr. He went through the portal with Bella Stella. Please, if you find him, get him to come home. I was planning to marry him, but since he is missing I cannot do that now. I will reward you with my sister as a wife,"
Troy: This is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO not christian.
Juniper explained to me. "Also, he has a habit of
you will discover that yourself."
Troy: I have a badfeeling about this.'
Mulieres, subditae estote suis subditae. Colossians 3:18
After this, Mary talked to us again. "The best idea is to find a spaceship. This is in another galaxy far, far away where men are godless soul. Convert as many people as possible while you find Bella Stella. If there is any resistance, form an army to diminish them. We must find Bella Stella though; she is your main goal. Now go!" she screamed as we charged into the portal like brave souls that knew we that we'd be charging to our deaths. Don't fear though. If we do die, at least we will go to heaven, unless we commit suicide. But suicide is allowed if it is done for the right reason, such with Jerry and Percy Jackson when they went after Hades (that is mentioned in the Evil Gods Part One written by Thomas Brown, you should read it after finishing reading this fanfic).
Troy: IT'S EVEN MORE OFFENSIVE!
Ego mitto vos bestias, qui tibi furtum filiis. Leviticus 26:22
The portal was circle and had blue water coming out of it. But I was not scared. I simply ran through. And so my adventure began for Jesus began.
But just before we did run into it, Mary gave us non-satanic objects to aid us on our quest. I got a red gem which is meant to warp me back to the portal at any time, while Levi was given a bag of powder which can heal anything, but can only heal once before disappearing from the reality of existence forever. Mary also told me to find someone named Rory who a friend of Bella Stella who was living through the portal to live there, gaining wisdom by studying the Bible and playing a board game named Go, which trained the mind to find outside the box and handle battles on more the one front. I knew from the first time Mary mentioned this person that he would be great use to us on our quest.
Troy: Why can't you guys just send an army?
None the less, we didn't waste time for time was not on our side, and we charge into the portal thus finally beginning our adventure to save Bella Stella any other task we come across.
Karl Daveslate: Was that good? Did I truly honor the lord?
Jesus: Yes I think so.
Karl Daveslate: Good, then I'll keep writing.
Troy: Oh in the name of the father DON'T!