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June 7, 2012
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Troy: Welcome to Fanfiction Failure where I burn in the fires of fanboy hell for your own sick amusement! Legolas had an interesting childhood.
Legolas was riding along the woods and one day he found a baby whaped in colth
Troy: What's Whaped?
Hawk: What's a Colth?
Dante: What are they doing to the baby?

so he got off his horse and went to the baby and then Legolas said"who left you here little one"
Troy: The Spartans! I have cancer!
and then the baby just cryed and then Legolas pick her up and hold her and then the baby stoped crying
Hawk: Then it realized what would happen to Orlando Bloom's career and start crying again.
and then Legolas said"your name is going be Laura"
Troy: Hey....What's the Author name?....Is this a self-insert? Nahhhhhh.
and then Legolas and the baby went onto the horse and went back to the castle where he lived.Legolas said"father mother I found this little baby in the woods
Mother: Relax, I learned this from Superman. Call it an adoption.
and then Legolas mother got up and walked down and said"how can people put baby in the woodsand to die".
Troy: My God. That sentence was eight nine words long....This can't be good.
Then Legolas father said"we are going to keep her"and then Legolas was happy for someriseing.
Troy: Yes, we could use some summarizing.
10 Years Later Next Sunday A.D

Legolas got up and went into Laura's room and said"good moring"and then Laura said "good moring too".Then Legolas said"whats a matter"
mat·ter
   [mat-er]
noun
1.
the substance or substances of which any physical object consists or is composed: the matter of which the earth is made.

2.
physical or corporeal substance in general, whether solid, liquid, or gaseous, especially as distinguished from incorporeal substance, as spirit or mind, or from qualities, actions, and the like.

3.
something that occupies space.

4.
a particular kind of substance: coloring matter.


and then Laura said"Legolas I want to know how to ride a horse".
Troy: Learn how to freaking spell first.
Then Legolas said"Ok"and then Legolas said"first you get dresses and have something to eat and then we will go for a horse ride lesson".
Troy: Conviently skipping the part were I teach you the tongues of man. Or elves, Or Dwarves. Or any other species on midde earth.
Mean while Strider and Gandalf was rideing towards where Legolas lived and then Strider said"Gandalf I did not know Legolas had a sister"and then Gandalf said"I did not know aswell".
Troy: Partly because HE DOESN'T!
Mean While at Mondor the dark lord was planing to kidnap the princess but not Legolas.
Sauron; Let's see....I'm an Eye..What should I do?...AH! KIDNAP SOMEONE!
Then the boss of the Orcs came and said"I'll get her for you sir"and then the Dark lord said"yes you can".
Troy: Try not to end up with a hundred Casualties like you always do.
Mean while Legolas and Laura was horseriding and then Laura said"Legolas whos that"and then Legolas looked and it was Gandalf and Strider.Legolas said"that is Gandalf and Strdier"
Troy: Huh, Looks more like Gandalf and Strider. Not sure who Strdier is.
and then Strider said"Legolas"and then Legolas said"Strider long time seen" and then Strider said"hows you"
Troy: Me good. How Ug?
and then Legolas said"I am fine"and then Gandalf said"whos this then"
Troy: That would be a shameless self insert.
and then Legolas said"meet Laura I found her in the woods when she was just a baby".Laura was shy at first and then Legolas said"Laura come and meet Strider and Gandalf"
Legolas: Just to warn you, Gandalf is suffering PTSD from the balro-
Gandalf: YOU SHALL NOT PASS!
Legolas: Yeah...

and then Laura said"hello I am Laura".Legolas said"she is the princess"and then Strider said"she is so cute"and then Legolas said"that will be my falut"and then Gandalf said"why"
Legolas: I preformed plastic surgery on her.
and then Laura said"he protects me thats why"and then Legolas looked up and said"I think we should go back to the castle"and then Laura said"I can feel it too".
Troy: I FEEL THE BEAT!

Legolas said"do you want to stay for a night"and then Gandalf and Strider said"yes please"and then they had tea and went to bed.During the night Legolas ask the gards to keep an eye on Laura's room.Mean while the Orcs climed up the window and grabed Laura and then Laura woke up and screamed and then the gard went into her room and saw lots of Orcs
Troy: Yes, Orc-Spotting. A common game.
and then Legolas ran down the hall.Then Legolas said"where is Laura"and then the gards said"the Orcs took her".
Troy: Well, did the GARDS! Even try to help?

Mean while the Orcs was back at Mondor and then Laura said"put me down"and then the Orcs did and then the Dark lord came out of the fire and said
Sauron: I'M SEXY AND I KNOW IT!
"welcome Laura"and then Laura looked at him and said"no it can't be"
Sauron: What?
Laura: YOU'RE NOT MY FATHER!
Sauron: Thank God I'm not!

and then she tryed to run away but the Orcs got her.Then the Dark lord said"put her into the cell and bet her and also do what ever you want with her but do not kill her".Then the Orcs took her to the cell and trow her into the cell and then they shut the door.Laura go up and went to the window and looked out and she was wishing that Legolas or someone will save her.Mean while Ten years later back at the castle of Milkwood Legolas was getting the army ready to go and save Laura. Mean while Laura was sitting on the floor and then the door opened and it was some Orcs and the Orcs tied Laura with some chains
and then one of the Orcs striped her
Troy: Oh God! It's making it's fantasies about Zebras a reality!
and then he raped her and then Laura said"go away you bastard".Then another Orc came with a whip and whiped her hard and then the Orcs all togeter bet her almost to death
Troy: You know, I feel like I should care that a ten year old is being beaten and raped....Yet, I'm more terrified that this woman has written a self-insert where she is a ten year old getting raped.
and then the Dark Lord came in with a tube of Posion and then he injeted into Laura.
Troy: Which didn't kill her..?

Few hours later

Legolas and the others was on the way to Mondor to save princess Laura.Mean while in the cell where Laura was been kept Laura woke up and she looked on her body there was blood and scars she only could move her right arm but not her left.
Troy: IF YOU'RE HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT CLAP YOU-Oh....Sorry.
Then Laura said"I feel so cold"
Troy: I Feel like I couldn't care less.
and then she can't see very well.At the frount gates of Mondor was Legolas and the others and then they said"let Laura go"and then the Dark lord said"no"and then Legolas said"right lisson I'll will clim up to the cell and get Laura and you and the others will find another way in.Then Strider said"alright"
Sauron: I CAN HEAR YOU CLEARLY!
and then Legolas started to clim up.Mean while Strider and the others ran into Mondor and went into the castle.Gandalf said"I'll will go and kill the Dark lord
Gandalf: Let me kick his candy *ss!
and you and the others go and help Legolas".Strdier said"becareful"and then Gandalf said"I will don't you worry about me".
Troy: Well, it couldn't get any worse.

Mean while Legolas got to the cell where Laura is.Legolas said"Laura are you in there"and then Laura said"Oh Legolas you finally came"and then Legolas said"are you alright"and then Laura said"no I am not alright"and then Legolas said"they bet you up and raped you also the Dark lord gave you the posion"
Laura: Wait, how do you know?
Legolas: They posted it on Youtube-I disliked it!

and then Laura said"how did you know that".Then Legolas said"when I was your age they did the samething to me".
Troy: It's like puberty. It happens to everyone.
Then Laura said"can you get me out of here"and then Legolas said"ok stand back"and then he ran back and ran towards the door and knock it down.
Troy: Yeah, great stealth.

Laura said"wow"and then Legolas looked and saw she was coved in Blood and scars also she was naked
Troy: WAS HE BLIND?!?
"and then Legolas said"why they did it to you not me"and then the Orcs came and said"because she got a power and she can distoy us all the bad guys".
Troy: So, you abused her and made her hate you? You're a genius.

Then the fright began
Troy: Actually, this story began a while ago.
Legolas got out his bow and arrows andstarted fireing at them.Then Legolas saw some swords and said"Strider is that you"
Troy: No Legolas, those are swords.
and then Strider said"yes it is"and then Legolas and the others started to kill the Orcs.Mean while Gandalf is have a fun time trying to distory the Dark lord.
Gandalf: THIS IS BETTER THEN POKER NIGHT!
Gandalf said"I wish Frodo and Merry and Pippen and Sam was here"and then a sword came out of nowhere
Troy: Oh my god. SWORDS ARE REPLACING THE CAST!
and said"some wished us here"
Troy: And it talks? Should I make a drug joke or a soul eaters reference?
and then Gandalf turned and said"Frodo baggins why you doing here"
Frodo: I HAVE NO F*cKING CLUE!
.Then Frodo said"we came to help you and also we got rid of the ring"and then the Dark Lord said"oh no"and then the magical powers from Gandalf Of Friendship! distoryed the Dark lord.

Mean while Legolas and Strider and the others was helping Laura down and Strider took off his cape and put it around Laura.
Troy: TRAILER SHOT!

FEW HOURS LATER
Troy: Give or take ten years.

Legolas and the others are on the way back to the castle.Legolas said"we must go to Rivendell to get Laura better".Then Gandalf said"I think you are right"and then they turned around and went to Rivendell.Legolas looked down on Laura and put his hand onto Laura's head and she was bruning up.Strider went aside of Legolas horse and looked and said"she is getting wose"and then Legolas said"I know".
Troy: It's an Orc STD.

FEW HOURS LATER

They were at Rivendell and Legolas stayed at Laura's side everyday intill she wakes up and then Legolas kissed Laura on her lips and then she moved her arms around Legolas and then Legolas said"all you alright"and then Laura said"yes I am".Legolas said"I am soo happy"and then Laura said"Do you want to be my boyfriend"and then Legolas said"yes I will be your boyfriend"and then Laura and Legolas kissed again.Laura said"what happened to me Legolas"and then Legolas said"you got kidnaped by the Orcs and they raped you and also bet you almost to death and then the Dark lord gave you some posion"
Troy: So i've heard.
and then Laura said"why I can only move on arm"and then Legolas said"your left arm is broken".
Troy: It tried to stop you from writing this.
Then the door opened and it was Strider and then Laura said"Hello Strider"and then Strider said"I see you are awake"and then Laura
Troy: Well? What did she do?
Here's another good MST by Mr.Green29
[link]
And an awesome reading by man without a body
[link]
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:iconcygnella:
Cygnella Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2014
It's almost as horrendously written as "My Immortal" (wipes tears of laughter away).
Reply
:iconanarchywriter:
AnarchyWriter Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I find this to be funnier, honestly. My Immortal, to me at least, isn't all that funny any more,
Reply
:icontheshewolflives:
TheSheWolfLives Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2014  Professional Writer
Haha this is hilarious! I honestly have no idea what that author was thinking...
Reply
:iconanarchywriter:
AnarchyWriter Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
That it would be coolto have a self isert raped by Orcs?
Reply
:icontheshewolflives:
TheSheWolfLives Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2014  Professional Writer
And have a "relationship" with a pedophile who appears to be as stupid as her?
Reply
:iconanarchywriter:
AnarchyWriter Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
To be debated...
Reply
:icontheshewolflives:
TheSheWolfLives Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2014  Professional Writer
Perhaps.
Reply
:iconrandomgirl401:
Randomgirl401 Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
LMFAO!!! This is so much win!!!! Ha, YGOTAS reference!!! And some other stuff. You. My good man, are a genius.
Reply
:iconanarchywriter:
AnarchyWriter Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Congrats on getting it.
Reply
:iconrandomgirl401:
Randomgirl401 Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
XD please write more of these fanfic fails!
Reply
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