Author's Note: I noticed they have a section for Bible fanfiction, so I decided to write one. I wonder if this is what they were expecting.
Troy: Can't be worse then the Browns.
Hawk: Let's dig into this cr*p!
One day in Gurren Lagann Kamina died,
and everyone was sad, but then there was a bright flash of light and Jesus appeared.
"Hey, Kamina, it's Jesus! What's up?" said Jesus.
"Thanks to Jesus, I have returned to life!" said Kamina.
Hawk: This is just stupid.
"You're too cool to die," said Jesus, who bumped fists with Kamina.
Simon, Yoko, and all the other people in Team Dai-Gurren waved goodbye to Jesus and Kamina as they got onto their motorcycles with hot rod flames painted on the sides and did a backflip off a ramp as the song "Highway Star" by Deep Purple was played by the angels who had electric guitars shaped like skulls.
Hawk: Remember what I said about this being stupid cr*p?
Hawk: I TAKE IT ALL BACK!
"So what do we do now, JC?" asked Kamina.
"We're going to kill the Nazis," said Jesus.
Troy: Wait...We have jesus and Kamina fighting Nazis while riding on motorcycles?
Both of thei heads explode.
Something in the background exploded and they drove their motorcycles away from it and did a high-five while driving at about a gazillion miles per hour.
Troy: Unfortunately one missed and clotheslined the other knocking their head off. They then came back to life.
Jesus is a very good motorcycle driver because it's one of his god powers. Same with Kamina.
Hawk: THAT MAKES NO SENSE!
TROY: WHO CARES!?!
All of the Nazis were doing very evil things in a room.
"We are the evil Nazis," said one of them.
That was when Jesus drove his motorcycle through the window and landed on top of the Nazi.
"Alas, I am slain," said the Nazi. Jesus kicked him in the face.
Jesus: SHUT UP WHEN I'M KILLING YOU!
"Oh no!" the Nazis said in unison. "It's Jesus!"
Then Kamina broke through the other wall of the room on his motorcycle. "JUST WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM?" he yelled as he scalped a Nazi with his bowie knife.
The Nazis didn't know who Kamina was because they are from the 1940's and awesome hadn't been invented yet.
Troy: Cough, cough. Leonidas. Cough, Cough.
Then the Nazis were mad at Jesus so they shot him a bunch of times, but then Jesus absorbed all the bullets into his body and shot them out of his eyeballs back at the Nazis so they died.
Hawk: Suddenly I can't wait for his second coming.
"I'm Jesus so I still love you even though you're Nazis and I'm killing you," said Jesus. He's a pretty cool guy.
Troy: Turn the other cheek and punch them in the nust until they exlode!
Kamina did not have to forgive the sins of anybody so he just cut a bunch of Nazis in half with his katana and then did a backflip into his giant robot. Jesus rode on top of the robot like it was a surfboard.
Troy: This officially trumps Gurren Laggan. All it needs is to be narrated by Morgan Freeman.
"Let's go find Hitler," said Kamina. There was a Nazi trying to run away so Kamina killed him by looking at him.
Hawk: Instant evil eye death. Works every time.
Kamina and Jesus rode the giant robot all the way across Germany. Each time the robot took a step its foot landed on a Nazi and the Nazi's intestines splattered all over the ground.
Jesus said, "Since I have Jesus powers I can tell that Hitler is somewhere nearby."
Hawk: MY JESUS SENSE IS TINGLING!
So they decided to look for Hitler.
They found Chester Cheetah instead,
Troy: Didn't see that coming..?>
who told them "I am Chester Cheetah and not Hitler."
Hawk: hmmmm...Something's off here.
Troy: WE HAVE JESUS, KAMINA AND CHESTER CHEETA IN THE MIDDLE OF NAZI GERMANY!
Hawk: So, something's off.
So Jesus and Kamina could not kill him because he is a God-fearing Christian who brings joy to people.
Then Chester Cheetah took off his mask, and it was actually Hitler! "I tricked you, Jesus!"
Troy: And you just ruined it.
Kamina said, "It's not good to trick Jesus, evil Hitler!" and he kicked Hitler in the face. At the same time, Jesus kicked Hitler in the face from the other direction. It was in slow motion and it looked really cool.
Troy: Something tells me "Indestructible" by Disturbed was being played.
"Hitler, I'm going to kick your ass in the name of the Father, Myself, and the Holy Ghost," said Jesus.
"Me too," said Kamina.
So then Jesus and Kamina charged up all of the Spiral energy in the entire universe through the power of prayer and shot a gigantic laser beam at Hitler so that he died slowly.
"Thank you, Kamina," said Jesus. "If you were any more awesome you would be Jesus too."
Then Kamina and Jesus high-fived each other since all the Nazis were dead.
Troy and Hawk's heads explode over and over.